Meet Our February 2023 Scarlight Lori J. from London Ontario, Canada!
Lori is now ready to speak out for the first time and tell her story in her own words about the emotional and physical abuse she suffered as a child.
The trauma that we go through in our childhood sticks with us for the rest of our lives. But it’s up to us to find the strength and the courage to be able to use everything that we have been through to learn more about ourselves and our journey in this world. And Lori is doing just that.
Here is Lori’s story.
Lori’s Story
“It started the day I was born. If my mom left me alone with my dad and he couldn’t get me to stop crying, he would suffocate me until I passed out. As I got older the abuse continued with the belt. My parents separated when I was very young, and my dad remarried bringing in a new stepbrother and stepsister in addition to my own brother and sister.
Now bring in the religion. My parents were very strict Jehovah Witness. There is a lot I have blocked out since I was a child, but I do remember having to choose which belt I was going to be beat with and being beaten every day in grade one. The religion was also used as a form of punishment, and as I got older, I would have to write out scriptures from the Bible. I also spent time in the corner, and I would cry until I passed out. One time, my stepbrother had to save my life or my dad would have killed me. My dad had me laying on my bed with his knee on my back and was beating me with the belt as my stepmom stared out the window. I was screaming and I couldn’t breathe, but he kept beating me. My stepbrother finally came running upstairs and pulled my dad off me. If he hadn’t of been there and done that for me, I wouldn’t be here today.
With My Mom
Me and my brother were the only ones to receive this type of abuse. My sister was never touched. At the age of 15, after years of wishing and hoping that I could move away from this man before I killed myself or he killed me, I got to move in with my mother which turned out to be just as bad. I ended up being stalked and sexually assaulted that very summer. My mom shipped me off to be a nanny for her friend and stole every dime I made from it. My mom has been in and out of jail all my life. I was 10 years old the first time I found out she was in jail and the only reason our dad told us was because she blamed us kids and named us in the paper. This devastated me.
After coming back from being a nanny and finding out she stole all my money, I wanted to leave so bad. I had to go to court for the sexual assault and I had to go alone. I went on the stand and testified, then went home like it was just another day. By the time I was halfway through grade 10, I finally had my own place. But the story doesn’t end there. There was a time when I walked in on my mother shooting heroin into her veins. I had to put up with all her lies and manipulation. She was also a very bad influence in my life.
Working to Move On
It has been over 10 years now since I have spoken to my mom. I have gone through my own addiction which she helped feed for the longest time. I have been clean and sober for 7 years now and I’m trying very hard to be proud of that. It has taken me a long time to get over the abuse my dad did to me, and if I’m honest, I’m not really over it. But I am trying to have a relationship with my dad now. I have given him a chance to explain why he abused me. I have accepted everything he has said, and I am trying very hard to just move on.
As for my real mom, I’m not sure if she is even alive. With all the drugs she has and probably still is doing, I just don’t know. I feel my life is better without her in it. My stepmom was very present during most of the abuse; she just had her back turned. She used me three years ago to leave my dad. She took me out for breakfast and slowly brought up the abuse. Then she acted like she didn’t remember, like she was in shock that it was that bad. I got the real truth when I had coffee with my dad. He told me that she acted like he was abusing her, and she was scared for her life. She stole every dime out of their joint savings account and cleaned out his personal account. She left him with nothing, then acted like he took everything. I have lost all respect for her and don’t talk to her very much anymore.
My Joys
I have 2 beautiful children. One I had when I was very young. She is a beautiful 27-year-old woman now with an amazing career. I’m very proud of her. I also have a son who is 19 and out on his own. Both my kids have amazing hearts, and I don’t mind saying this because I have gotten compliments about how they have such good manners and are so polite. I’m very proud of both my kids.
So, this is my life story. I was a little bit nervous, but I feel better now that I have finally put it out there.”
Questions For Lori
- Why do you want to be featured in a Scarlight?
“I am ready to tell my story for the first time in my life.”
- How has your story/experience shaped your life’s perspective?
“I have realized that life is too short to be angry and hurt. We need to be able to at least forgive.”
- What steps did you take and/or tools you used to overcome how you felt about your scars? If you have not yet, why?
“I have talked to a really good close friend, and I also go out for breakfast and coffee with my dad. Just trying to build a relationship with him now.”
- What is the most important thing that you have learned about yourself through your journey?
“That I really need to stop being so hard on myself. To forgive myself more.”
- What is one lesson that you can share with others that will inspire them?
Learn to forgive yourself.
Thank You!
I commend you, Lori for how strong you are. Despite all that you have been through, you are still here! You’ve raised two amazing children and were a wonderful mother even though you didn’t have that blueprint growing up. I truly appreciate you speaking out and sharing your story with Scar Power for the first time! It is an honor to be the conduit for your voice.
I know that your story will connect with others, and I hope that they also find the strength to learn to forgive and move past their trauma as you are working to.
I wish you the very best, sending love and light your way! Thank you for being our February 2023 Scarlight feature story!
If you want to be a Scarlight Feature and share your story, please visit our Scarlight section here and complete the submission form.